Wheller
30-06-2008, 16:08
This is an Original Story I've been writing. i only have the prolouge completed, but i wanted to get some oppinions.
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John looked up at the sky, the lighting cracked overhead, he smiled. It had been a while since they had had any rain. The crops needed it if they were going to survive. There had been a drought through most of the summer. The river had almost run dry, and John had been starting to get desperate, importing water from the coastline. He looked up and saw an Alliance firestar fighter streak over head.
Hmm, the Alliance doesn’t patrol around here wonder what’s going on. John thought, he looked up again just as two other firestars passed over head. The two firestars turned upward, John was confused, and he had never seen Alliance fighters do anything around this area. A Crack of Lightning lit up the sky. And John saw what the Firestars were interested in, A Cytec Fighter-bomber,
WHAT? Cytec? They haven’t been seen since the war! John began to panic. “JENNY! Jenny! Get the kids inside. NOW!” he called out. He heard an explosion he turned to see the Firestars shooting off Their Plasma Cannons at the Cytec fighter, the Plasma bolts struck the Cytec, the Fighter turned into a nose dive, it tried to pull up, and almost made it. The Fighter Crashed into the ground. And continued to slide toward John,
John turned to run, but he wasn’t fast enough. The fighter continued to move toward him, it struck him, crushing him underneath. He died instantly and just like that, John Derrick became the first casualty of war.
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John looked up at the sky, the lighting cracked overhead, he smiled. It had been a while since they had had any rain. The crops needed it if they were going to survive. There had been a drought through most of the summer. The river had almost run dry, and John had been starting to get desperate, importing water from the coastline. He looked up and saw an Alliance firestar fighter streak over head.
Hmm, the Alliance doesn’t patrol around here wonder what’s going on. John thought, he looked up again just as two other firestars passed over head. The two firestars turned upward, John was confused, and he had never seen Alliance fighters do anything around this area. A Crack of Lightning lit up the sky. And John saw what the Firestars were interested in, A Cytec Fighter-bomber,
WHAT? Cytec? They haven’t been seen since the war! John began to panic. “JENNY! Jenny! Get the kids inside. NOW!” he called out. He heard an explosion he turned to see the Firestars shooting off Their Plasma Cannons at the Cytec fighter, the Plasma bolts struck the Cytec, the Fighter turned into a nose dive, it tried to pull up, and almost made it. The Fighter Crashed into the ground. And continued to slide toward John,
John turned to run, but he wasn’t fast enough. The fighter continued to move toward him, it struck him, crushing him underneath. He died instantly and just like that, John Derrick became the first casualty of war.